Nigeria: Fast food nation

MENU LIST - Big McAbacha with Cheese, IBB Free Milkshakes,
Obj Chicken Nuggets, Pomo on the run and
Mugu Muffins. McNigeria - HAVE A TASTE OF HELL !

"Fast food" is generally referred to as food that is prepared in quantity by a standardized method and can be dispensed quickly at inexpensive restaurants for eating there or take away, which is widely considered as a trait peculiar to the United States of America, but that can largely be contested, because Nigeria has been seriously involved in fast food even before the advent of Mr Biggs who initiated the American style of fast fooding to Nigeria. In fact our traditional "mama put" and "nkwobi" joints with their "Enter food is ready" signs, is nothing but faster foods. You wonder how possible, when you see their menu list of rice, eba, pounded yam, beans, spaghetti, fufu, amala, yam porridge and in truth they are all ready.

objCHICKEN - The Spirit of Chop-I-Chop

What other approach will be most suitable for a people who are very impatient in nature, who cares less about quality when they can get its look alike cheap and fast. No wonder the Chinese are very successful in Nigeria. Due to the fundamental ills clouding Nigeria as a state, the Nigerian suffers from anomia; a loss of memory, characterized by a breakdown and absence of social norms and values. An uprooted people that lacks self realization but mistakes it for a Nigerian spirit. What spirit? that of false image? A spirit that gives preference to mediocrity over originality? spirit of nepotism and the cult of tribalism? A spirit that leads to a self fascist way of living; always wanting. Always hoping. Always dreaming. Yes the Nigerian dream is eventually an unrealistic dream that requires an awakening. WAKE UP!


It is very fashionable to hear from time to time a certain Nigerian Dream, and i ask if that is not another imported "fast food" I mean a look alike of the American dream. An ambition with commitment and tenacity expressed in words is known as VISION, a vision with a target becomes a MISSION. The more a brand is able to stick to it's VISION and MISSION turns out to be it's PRINCIPLES and it's ESSENCE. Until now i still ask, what is our intrinsic nature or indispensable quality as a people? Out of share addiction to this same false image, celebrity culture and vanity fair, a danger remains for all who sometimes wonder, as I often do, if the Nigeria they know is not simply one of their imagining. Open your eyes fellow country men, rather than being the megaphones of these human feces at high places, rather than being carried away with all these numerous attention takers who call themselves celebrities, rather than taking to a self fascist way of living. Always seek only the combative voices and hunt them down even on casual forums like facebook.

What can be more terrifying than knowing that our future has Been held hostage by a conglomerate of terrorists disguised as leaders . What could be more terrifying than seeing our nation sink by an inch daily into a full fledged irresponsible monster. What can be more terrifying than knowing that millions of Nigerian youth wake up every morning, to watch TV, engage in idle talks of soccer, celebrities and luxury. BLIND RESILIENCE! Personally it terrifies me that frank and intense ways of "saying" is beginning to be prohibited to most Nigerians. Not because they don't love Nigeria. In fact that's where the problem lies. LOVE IS BLIND!

LOVE is NOT about gazing at each other, Its about facing same direction

Before my fellow Nigerians hang me for treason, i haven't done anything unworthy of philosophy. I do not seek; I find. Let actions alone be the manifestation of the authentic being in defense of it's authentic vision. Please understand the psycho-effect of that parlance. "Love is blind", then you will understand what I feel for Nigeria above "love." So by any means necessary!

Get out of the BOX -Think Afresh
Do I or do I not recognize the trap of my activities on facebook and this blog? I plead you all to summon kindred knowledge and kindred findings to your aid. Kindred rebellions against the lure of tragi-existentialism; for rage is no longer enough to combat the temptation to subside into unproductive, will-sapping social talks and intellectual masturbation, in which we all often get involved on facebook or Sahara reporters and other blog spots. I think every act of reflection is already an act of separation, there is no reconciliation or renewal without a former misunderstanding, so before we disagree to agree let's take away everything and let's talk on common grounds. 2011 is here calling on us all to save history and the future from eternal RUIN, but Babangida, that ruinous, disastrous, catastrophic, calamitous and cataclysmic dictator, that is worthy of a death by hanging in broad-day-light is presently topping opinion polls, and you and i sit our asses down, waiting to be dead. WAITING TO BE DEAD?

WAITING TO BE DEAD !

© Qudus ONIKEKU

www.qudus.blogspot.com

In Nigeria it’s NETWORKING not butt-licking duhh !

History demands that we record dates when life on the planet suffer grave setbacks, and I’m still struggling to recover the day dignity, pride and honour fell off the Nigerian moral lexicon, when Nigeria become a fast food nation. Before I start blabbing like Dele Momodu on pendulum, I must say that I’m not an activist like Kayode Ogundamisi who find it easy to relentlessly sing revolutionary songs on facebook, neither am I a social change advocate who coin all sort of catchy, impractical or over practical easy-to-fall-for phrases to make over statements – like BLING, FIX NIGERIA, UNRULY, THE FUTURE PROJECT, LIGHTUPNIGERIA, ENOUGHISENOUGH and so many other nonsense in bold and capital letters – We have gotten to a point where it has in fact, become a crime in today’s Nigeria to attempt to write in a proverbial or poetic realm of a Chinua Achebe for example, or to keep a decent distance from one’s reader like Wole Soyinka will do in his non fictions. Only if I consider the people I address as a bunch of dick head-dumb ass that are not capable of any personal opinion of their own, nor do anything carrying great weight with their God given common sense, that I will want to ram my message into their brains like retarded kids from kindergarten.

"When I was a boy, getting to know a person because of what they could do for you was what my father called ass kissing. My mother called it social climbing. To me, it was brown-nosing. Now it’s called networking."
These are the witty words Dirk Wittenborn used in opening his raw and edgy article: When ass kissing became networking. In this I recognized the need to state how it concerns me and relates to my situation as a Nigerian youth. In the midst of the national youth euphoria that led to the birth of various awarding organization, and the coming-in-contact of the brightest and best, the most talented and most celebrated young Nigerians, to engage in serious conversations on how our generation could be relevant in the Nigerian regeneration, however informal and unrehearsed this coming-in-contact could have been, social networks like Facebook, twitter and other blog spots played a great role in hopping the pace of this awareness.

In no time, I found myself part of a generation of philistines, these lots –in identity crises and denied of belonging– behave more like disowned bourgeois rats, whose only true desire is to be part of something cheesy and ongoing. After few interaction (or should I call it networking) with few minds who were apparently brilliant, but still I found myself in not-just-ok-dot-com, my quick and keen clairvoyance told me that this networking or social climbing will only do more in decorating our long need for change in flashy colours, rather than truly empower such desire. This was not so difficult for me to recognize, as I have already been exposed to this trend that is often spectacularly staged as after show cocktails, during my tours in Europe or in the US. Nonetheless I have never felt OK with –or believed in– such organized match making that doesn’t come with a common enemy, and if a common enemy is not quickly established in any affiliation, it will be difficult to forge a common front in pursuit of common goals.

Since I’m not terribly in need of a name or a face, not planning to be featured in a musical video nor being a judge in a reality dance show any time soon, and the promise of easy life/good fortune never incite me that much, then I gradually degraded in rank to become an unenthusiastic component of the bourgeoisie, and naturally I wondered what I was doing in the midst of ass kissers. Let it be publicly known that I’m not oppose to ass kissing or networking, or whatever it is labelled as, it is normal that men and women fuck one another to get ahead –just as men and men or women and women do– which is the aspect of human comedy that I find too tragic to laugh about in Lagos. But when a student is literally fucking her lecturer for marks, when you are fucking somebody to get or keep a job, or someone fucks you for a flight ticket, a cinema ticket, or even to be auditioned for a role in a TV series that will eventually made you a role model. That for instant is a figurative straightforward and pleasurable one-off giving on both sides, only that it often comes with a burden and responsibility for those who sometimes feel shame, and at some point in life, one really need to separate sober matters from bread and butter dealings.

When you pretend to be my friend, to share my pain just for personal gain, even when I piss on you, you still won’t let go, then that is a terrible thing that brings to mind a terrible phrase in a reprisal mail once addressed to Matthew Ogunnola my good friend “… I have been trained that the show must go on, and I would lick the butt crack of a mad man if that is what it entails to have a great show.” Aww, now that leaves a bad taste in the mouth, and that must have been a slip of tongue, because that was from one of the organizers of these trendy youth programs that, in their words “seek to empower young people and redirect them towards adding value to themselves and society with strong positive images/messages.” As my people will say, ma fi oruko bo l’asiri, i.e. I will use his name to cover his shamelessness. This contrasting phrases if able to be juxtaposed, point out the complicity of these faction of the brightest and coolest Nigerian youth, and the use of their brainpower in scamming the rest of us, who might be duped by their use of attractive phrases that carries no connotation in itself, and hence, contributes greatly to the epidemic height of absurdity that is sweeping over the whole nation.

The sanious nightmare of creative people in Lagos, is the fear of victimization by these net-workers; for sure they know that a truly creative and conscious person won’t go to SWE bar or KOKO lounge thrice a week, won’t be seen -in see-as-i-gbensh dresses- on the road to their weekly red or black or green carpet events, but since there is all the time for their Mohammed to go to the mountains, they have began to take over the front seats of every artistic and intellectual happenings; from poetry, to a contemporary dance show, from classical music, art exhibitions to book reading. Meanwhile, most of these Lagos vultures don’t have the practical mind required to integrate into such gathering. Unlike the indispensable burden of a groupie, the creative person is particularly vulnerable to the toxic of these sneaky net-workers, whose only calculative ambition is to drive you into parties like giant termites, licking your ass just enough for you to feel like a celebrity that you are, to afford them the necessitated social climbing, waiting to be introduced to a friend of yours with a bulkier, juicier and better profitable curriculum vitae. Now that is what they call networking. Networking my butt!!!

For the sake of some offended readers, I think –even if not so sure– that there are of course, some truly brilliant and talented youth out there, and I can humbly say that I am one of them, those who have survived as coconut in cultural and economic terms, those who are also often tempted to network, but one could see a certain kind of coconut perpetuating the if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them phenomenon. To now to conclude with my opening realm of curiosity, When did the myth of making it on your own merit, gave way to who you know over who know you? When did the proverbial saying of a good name is better than gold or silver became an understatement in Nigeria? I guess it was when those who lick the butt crack of mad men, began to be so efficient in it, that they kick those with the right skills away from the seat, I guess it was precisely that moment, when this shameful act was re-branded as networking and our world became so meaningless, and most of those celebrated as our brightest and coolest youth are nothing but a bunch of harlots.

Welcome to my LAGOS

1. What defines Lagos for you?

What define Lagos for me are just the informal people’s resourcefulness and the creative energies that flow around everywhere, every time. Lagos is like a huge musical comedy where people substitute roles, those watching now might be the biggest performer in the next minute. Sometimes when I am bored I just travel round the city in public transit and for a creative person, what more do I need to have a swell day. Each period of the day comes with a different flavor and emotion.

2. What distinguishes Lagosians from others in your view?

When you say “others” do you mean other states or other cities around the world? I’m not a huge expert of other states outside Lagos (in Nigeria). I was born here and I grew up here, until 17, I didn’t step out of that city, but after then, I have been to various cities around the globe and I tell you, I only felt a similar homely feeling in cities like New York, Johannesburg and Sao Paolo. I just don’t know what it is, but Lagos has a color that you can’t just define in few words.

3. What do you miss in Lagos when you are out of Nigeria or in any part of Nigeria for a period of one week or more?

If I compare Lagos to a place like Paris (where I am presently) for instance, I think people here have lost a certain kind of animal instinct that makes us all a living thing, that spontaneity that triggers our actions directly from the nerves and not the one that travels first through the brain. That is really what I fear to lose when I stay so long out of Lagos.

4. What do you think the experience would have been like if you were to be doing what you are doing for a living now anywhere outside Lagos.

Inasmuch as I love to be in Lagos, unfortunately I cannot do what I’m doing in Lagos for now, let me summarize it to say, being a Nigerian and being a dancer are two things that doesn’t go well together, so at some point I had to choose between Dance and Nigeria.

5. What is it that you think Lagos has got right?

That very thing that makes Lagos what it is, I think is a natural mystic, so Lagos itself should not try to find ways to comprehend it, we should only grow to its appreciation, because that thing might not be looking so much like our idea of a good and noble living, it might not be in building wide roads that contains 15 huge cars in a row, it might not be in perpendicular and beautiful architectures, it might not be in how organized we could be as a people, it might not be in the amount of tourist that comes in yearly – because if that is what Lagos is heading towards, I fear we might lose that very thing we’ve gotten right, if not why is Paris or London that I know so much yet to get it right even after acquiring all the aforementioned symptoms of a “good living”? Lagos I think has understood the wisdom of improvisation through organized disorderliness in town planning, and you don’t learn that in school.

6. What is Lagos not getting?

I think when we talk about what Lagos is not getting, then we can only talk about those managing Lagos, so in essence we are addressing the “government” I mean the formal government, because government has different meaning in Lagos. Lagos I think is making a basic mistake, i.e looking up to Dubai as the model, that is the biggest jokes I have heard in a while, as a creative person I deal less in artificial aesthetic values. if Lagos needs a practical model, I think it is Sao Paolo, no one goes to Sao Paolo for tourist attraction, yet millions of people pop in yearly, do you know how they did that? They invested in the people, in their culture, they made the night life one the best you could imagine, they invested in the energy that flows around, now you can say that is too abstract, but I think the Lagos energy is the exact thing the government needs to invest in, but unfortunately they won’t, Why? Precisely because it is not those educated (or middle) class or their kids and cousins who will benefit such project, because those who make Lagos what it is, usually don’t have a family in the decision room.

7. Take a look at the Lagos of your past and of the present and let me know what you think living in Lagos in the next fifty years would be like.

I don’t gamble, because I don’t see ahead of time, I don’t drink because I want to be in control of my actions, I cannot say what living in Lagos in the future will be like, the future of Lagos also depends on the future of our collective democracy, globalization, pop culture and capitalism. Do I think us going too far with the way we push things? Yes I do, do I think globalization and capitalism is pacing too much? Yes I do, and Lagosians are part of those who I call the “receivers” they are the ones in the receiving end of every action taken in the name of humanity, the assimilators, the consumers and the pendulum is already getting weak, I cannot say what it will be like but there are lots of things I wish will stop at some point, and wish we inculcate new habit and characters on the way; more respects for human lives, more respect for the rule of law, more attention paid to the kids and not just force them to formal schools when their heart is in fashion design, more alternative spaces created for all identified insanities that our kids want to be identified with, more security for both citizens and foreigners, price control and standardization of basic amenities that presently comes with awful prices, and finally I hope the people’s creative energies be compatible with the official Lagos energy, so as to avoid people fleeing from their beloved Land.

8. In a sentence or two, or more, capture Lagos.

My signature quote on Lagos - Every morning in Lagos, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a Lion or a Gazelle... in Lagos, when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.