LAGOS ! - its not funny...

THIS IS LAGOS

Here are some of the stuffs i occupy myself with those days in Lagos, these are one of the few stuffs i ever put on paper, some were fictions, or based on a true life story i heard from a living being, living in Lagos, and also some i witnessed the scenes. They are all funnily sad events but now we can all laugh over it cos its past, but hope Lagosians will never go through those process again.

Life Goes ON

Sincerely all finger are not equal.

ALL FINGERS ARE NOT EQUAL...

a fully armed men, bumped into my neighbor's apartment, they demanded nothing but their share from his hard earned salary “your money or your life” was the next thing my neighbor heard, and here comes the first and biggest fuck up for a Lagosian “brother thief, please I don't have any kobo at home to offer, I so beg for pardon, you know all fingers are not equal” since then my neighbor's finger had never been unequal, after they equalized them with the help of a “Lebe” sword

A typical lagos conductor calling one chance !

ONE CHANCE...

I could clearly remember, it was just around 7pm, we all looking horribly tired at the bus stop, finally here comes a bus calling my destination, adding “one chance' to the phrase, quickly i jumped in, as usual, I always find my way in during rush hours like this, the driver turn up the music, the conducter slammed the door, and we were all feeling high, all of a sudden i received an impromptu slap, from behind to get me intimidated “this can't be free of charge”, I quickly understood. At first, I thought it was a dream as the sun, the moon and the stars were at a time closer to my neck side, so what's next, 
i heard this heavy voice repeatedly reciting “your phone, your money” “don't look up” “your phone, your money” all that were accompanied with rain of smacks, I gave it all unconsciously, as quickly as my reflex can go, i was thrown out of the bus before i begin to get myself on axis it all happened in seconds, too soon to recollect what really happened, with immediate effect it became past tense, meaning “when actually did it happened?”

Underneath 3rd Mainland Bridge

THIRD MAINLAND BRIDGE...

This was a beautiful Monday morning, on 3rd mainland bridge, heading to the island, although the “go slow” condition of Lagos is nothing new, "go slow" a complete paradox of the Lagos life, every single moment is a "rush hour" but today was an exception, because i was on okada, i was able to see the cause.
- A molue had fell on its driver's side trust me “what happened, wetin happen” curiously i queried, here, an eye witness narrates...

“Na the reckless diving driver o, thank God nobody die, hmm if no be the hanging conductor wey fall for lagoon, forgetting say one of him leg dey on top bridge, the problem now be say, na how him go take swim commot for lagoon?” Hey ya.


THE RITE WAS FORETOLD BY THE TRIBALIST...

“these cannibals are hungry for human flesh, these vampires are thirsty for human blood".

This period was around 2000/2002, just after those soldier crooks changed uniform. The location was around “Idi Araba” the orthodox abbreviation in charge then wasn't the COP, but the OPC, quite similar to PDP. The setting was just after sunset, I was walking home, with a head full of pessimistic thoughts, after a long day of rehearsals, suddenly I saw a few able bodied youth, obviously they represent a particular tribe's flags and ideals, it was in a total euphoric determination they ran after this other guy of other flags, with arm in arms; cutlasses, swords, injurious batons and the remains of broken bottles, running anxiously to get him off feet, they misses their prey as they give each stroke, me running after them with a bit distance, but kept my eyes on them wanting and willing to see the end, they were really determined, I mean they mean business, as we say in Lagos.
I swear, Not even God can come stop these guys... The poor young man was hurriedly praying and begging for intervention, but who could? He was really determined to survive as well. Alas, they got him and he fell.

with the speed at which he was massacred, I immediately confirmed my thoughts, “these cannibals are hungry for human flesh, these vampires are thirsty for human blood”, and there was a real feast, series of beating! hitting! stabbing! and cutting! I saw what brutality really means beyond what dictionary can explain, a spasmodic savage violence that is very parallel and directly opposite, to the prolonged involuntary muscular contraction experienced before ejaculation,
so immediately I got it, that these guys will never let go until they ejaculate.
Finally, we all confirm the young man was dead, furthermore these guys will not forgive his dead body, they still needed to clean up their spasm, they poured petrol on him, still I wait to see the end so I could be an eye witness, to have the story to tell as it happened without fallacy, they stroke a match and threw it on the remains, ohh good God. Surprisingly, the body we all thought was dead stood up, struggling to flee with flames, ahhh how funny and sad, he died while on his feet, with posture of calved piece of burning art, then now, I couldn't wait to look any further, it is unbearable how fellow human suffers to death. 

Few years later, I understood that, all those moments in Lagos could not have been but chaotic, it was what the rite called for. I am glad those moment came and pass, leaving us stronger and wiser.
Now my friends, hope you get the moral of the narration. If you were fortunate to be born, lived and survived those remarkable moments, for at least two decades of your life In L A G O S, then everywhere you go, it will remain with you, and no one can fuck with you, for LAGOS alone is a moving feast that refines you and gets you ready for any tribulation! I mean NO SHAKING ! 

Which more of the reason why till today, every morning in Lagos, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a Lion or a Gazelle... in Lagos, when the sun comes up, you'd better be speak to your feet.

(c) Qudus Onikeku.