I have stopped listening to motivational speakers, or seeing an analyst, likewise a therapist, and all other so called experts who claimed to understand my life's trouble better than i do, since the last time "My Analyst" told me that I have ego problem, he said I need some attention, someone to probably save me from myself, the way he described it, he said i'm too much into my head, that i'm not easily led from my crazy ideas, and my tempers are just bizarre.
- I looked at him furiously, I tranquilly picked up the wooden chair I was sitting on and carefully stroke it against his shinning forehead, his glasses that were thick enough to read my mind were broken into particles and all over the floor was filled with blood...
That was exactly what I got in mind for him, but I knew I wouldn't dare that, I just asked him “what's so strange if you found out that you were already a brainiac at the age of four ?” I had a brain and that was insane? I had a dream and that was atypical?
My Analyst thought he could put me in a box, and lock me up to himself, so he can say “...alright this is who you are” but I get him so pissed, 'cos my complexity is not just making his job easy. I asked again “what will you do if you have a temperament that will not just let you be, I mean one that could just turn your five year old dreams of BLUE to RED in just one hour? A temperament that doesn't conform to any written rule, culture, nation, notion, religion, philosophy, profession etc. One that makes an African feel American at times when in Europe, or feels European when in America and something else when in Africa, one that makes a dancer wear the cap of a circus artiste, take up the job of a writer and critiquing, in the next moment making documentary films and writing poetry and making street art, and taking up the expertees of a sociologist and preaching the gospel of Islam, simultaneously quoting Fela Kuti and the bible, spends all day listening to Bob Marley and Obesere while socializing on facebook and soliloquise on the performance stage. Yet trying so hard to remain simple, 'cos you are in the process of establishing your truth, accuracy and validation of something that circulates around your existence, which you can't yet verify if it is right or wrong".
My analyst will not give up, 'cos he need to authenticate his hard earned degrees, my analyst thought he was accessing a young man who is pretending to know what he wants. NO, that's where he got it all wrong, because one thing I know is that I am a successful young man that doesn't know precisely what he wants but doing all he could to reject completely those things he doesn't want.
These days i have constantly noticed that everybody want to prove to every other person that they are right and that the other is wrong, they want the other to know that they are able to demonstrate their own truth of existence (a.k.a. POV), so they begin to analyze, they begin to argue, they argue about everything and most especially about why they think others are wrong and trying to analyze who the other is. Meanwhile no one can actually tell you who you are, but who they think you are or want you to be.
- I stop here to take a deep breath before i drill further into this philosophical pit, as i am aware that my blogs are silently mutating into public fora and alternative spaces for freedom and reflection, so if you are thinking right now that i can "HELP" you, then stick to me until you rot away as i continue my journey, i will not like to sway my readers without them being aware of this manipulation, and ultimately win them over, against their own will power. This is the weapon of the Analyst, just like the "Fascist".
The Fascist i refer to here is not the right-wing nationalist regime of Mussolini in Italy, the Fascism that tends to include a belief in the supremacy of one nationals or ethnic group, a contempt for democracy, an insistence on obedience to a powerful leader with a strong demagogic approach. Well there might be a link, but this fascist is a phenomenon that took place elsewhere, something that could only happen to others, but not to us, its their problem.
So this is why my opinion refuse nationality or identity. Is fascism really a problem for others to deal with? We often want to be the one who seek security and a peaceful life, security even in where we allow our minds thought to visit, making us seem like the man who chop off his limbs in order to get an artificial ones, for he desperately need a life free of pain and troubles, the metal dream of a tranquil and conflict free existence, wanting to be so real that we set fire on reality itself. What about the fascist that is based on the desire to be led, to give a complete authority of our lives to someone else to legislate, the one that awards us every reason not to voice out our pains, even when we are pushed to the wall.
How then do artistes, activists, critics and other revolutionary militants deal carefully with this same fascisizing element we all carry along with us? how do we rid our speech and our acts, our hearts and our pleasure, of fascism? religious moralists sought to rid us of the fascism hidden somewhere in our soul, while these militants pursue the slightest trace of the fascism in the body, that leads them to state why the other is evil (a fascist, a capitalist, a communist, a corrupt leader. etc.) or what moral values should be, and hence, does that award them a righteous life? does that make them a judge?
However the modest fellow loves hiding places, secret path and back doors, everything that seems far away from him entices him as his world, his security, his refreshment; he understands how to keep silent and wait, how to complain and dream, how to be self deprecating and humble, how to survive by sanctifying every lie he has been fed with. This is the realm of the silent majority who has become the apparatus at which the powerful ones behind the closed doors use to express the fascist in them.
The powerful - at which the silent majority awards the legislation of their lives to - has endless time, whether we whine, howl, beg, weep, cajole, pray or curse, he listens. He is just a big ear minus a sympathetic nervous system and nothing touches him but the TRUTH. When we deceive ourselves on the notion of making the world a better place, we are prompted by an instinct of self affirmation and self preservation that cares little about affirming or preserving life. What constitutes our sickness today? is it not the absence of fresh air where it smells bad? When we do the diagnosis, won't we see the need to cure ourselves of the cure itself?
So if your Analyst ever tell you that you got an ego problem, sit back, and be tranquil, fixed your gaze on him watch his lips dangle with passion, like a performer of rap (rapid applied poetry) music and you will see smiles forcing their way out of your upper lips, meanwhile, be sure to pay little or no attention to his rapping, instead go into your world, feel so high, and even touch the sky.
(c) September 2009